


Repeat after me, talking darkspawn are bad

by NeysaG



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crack, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, For a Friend, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-19 05:56:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11307120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeysaG/pseuds/NeysaG
Summary: A friend and were texting at 3am and it went all wrong or maybe horribly right. I haven't decided yet. Probably shouldn't have been up at 3am but to late now. You have been warned.The inquisitor gathers the companions to explain why we don't give old elven artifacts to talking darkspawn.





	1. Chapter 1

Inquisitor Trevelyan had commandeered the second floor of the tavern directly above the bar. He stood at one end and waited for all his companions and advisors to sit down. He hadn't explained exactly why he asked them all this meeting. Even Cullen, Leliana, and Josesphine seemed just as confused as the rest of them.

"What's up boss?" Iron Bull settled himself near the inquisitor and asked what everyone else was also wondering.

 "I have something very important I would like to speak with you all about but we need to wait on Solas as this concerns him the most." Trevelyan held up his hand to silence any question. "I may need to only speak with him but I thought we might all be able to learn or relearn something which is why I asked you all to come along."

This statement only made everyone more curious as to what this was all about but the Inquisitor refused to say anymore. They didn't have long to wait until they heard Solas speak behind them.

"I apologize for my tardiness Inquisitor. I had gotten into a debate with a fade spirit and I..." Solas trailed off as he noticed everyone was staring at him. "Why are you all looking at me?"

The Inquisitor recovered first, "What are you wearing?"

"This is what I always wear."

"I mean that thing on your head."  
  
"There is nothing on my head."

"Except for the ears you mean."  
  
"All people have ears Inquisitor. And I am no different than anyone else."  
  
"I'm talking about your other ears."  
  
"My other... Are you feeling alright?"  
  
"Am I? Solas you have wolf ears and you want to know if I am feeling alright? Why are you wearing wolf ears?"

"I am an Elf not a Wolf. I DO NOT have wolf ears."

The Inquisitor turned to the other companions, "I'm not the only one seeing this correct? There are wolf ears on his head? Right?"

The tavern exploded with noise. Everyone talking over each others. Some agreeing with the Inquisitor, others questioning Solas. And Solas denying the ears atop his head.

Vivienne dug into her bag and grabbed her mirror. "Here darling, take a look and this will all be resolved."

"I don't need a mirror, "Solas backed away from her out stretched hand, "I think I could tell if I had something on my head. And I do not."

'Well my dear if you wish to live with your delusions far be it for me to waste my time trying to get you out of them." With that Vivienne returned to her seat set on ignoring the whole fiasco.

Sera was trying to grab the ears but was having a hard time doing after Solas Mind Blasted her across the inn. Bull seemed content to just watch with Cole while the others tried to get him to admit he had something on his head. 

"ENOUGH", Trevelyan bellowed over the noise. "Enough, forget the ears, we have more important things to discuss. Solas if you would take a seat please."

The Inquisitor began once all those assembled had returned to their seats.

"Now can anyone tell me something that is bad? hmm? Anyone? Yes, Cullen."

"Mages... well no, some are but... umm magisters?" Cullen sneaks a look at Dorian and blushes when he notices Dorian watching him, "Ok not all magisters. Hmmm. Assas... uhh no never mind."

Chuckling at his commander Trevelyan decides to stop him before he digs himself into a deeper hole. "That's ok Cullen but you do bring up a good point. There are good and bad of any race or profession. But can anyone think of anything that is just bad?" Trevelyan gives them a few moments to think before speaking again. "Solas? Can you think of something or Some One who is bad?"

"I don't know what you are asking of me Inquisitor."  
  
"No? Here I'll give you a hint. He carries the taint."  
  
"Blackwall?"

"No Solas not Blackwall or any warden. He's very old." Seeing no recognition the Inquisitor tries again, "He made a big green hole in the sky...."

"Corypheus!", is screamed out of Cullen's mouth. He leans back looking rather pleased with himself for figuring it out.

Inquisitor Trevelyan shakes his head slightly at his commander "Yes thank you Cullen. The answer is Corypheus or I would have excepted talking darkspawn in general.", then turns his attention back to the elven mage. "Solas? Anything to add?"

Solas adverts his eyes from Trevelyan, "But how do you know he's fully bad?"

"The big green hole in the sky."

"Yes well it could have happened to anyone I'm sure."

"The demons pouring from said hole in the sky."

"Blood mages could do the same thing."  
  
"Wanting to return to the fade so he can destroy all of Thedas."

"But you don't know if he was actually going to do it."  
  
"Solas I think you are making excuses because you don't want to admit you are wrong. Now I want you to repeat after me. Talking Darkspawn are bad."

"But..."  
  
"No buts Solas. Talking Darkspawn are bad."

"...."

"Solas!? I know you an do it. Come on now. Talking Darkspawn are bad."

"Talking darkspawn are bad." Solas grumbled.

"There that wasn't so hard. Now for the really hard part. We do not give old elven artifacts to talking darkspawn. Because once again talking darkspawn are bad. Right Solas?"

"How was I suppose to know what he would do with it?" Solas begin to stutter. "I mean, I don't, uhhh I have no idea... it wasn't me!"

"Solas? We all know who it was now just admit it."  
  
"NO IT WASN"T ME. YOU CAN'T PROVE IT!"

"I didn't want to do this Solas but you left me now choice." Trevelyan points to a stool next to a chalkboard that no one noticed before. Upon the stool sat a white cone shaped hat. "You will write I will not give talking darkspawn old elven artifacts 20 times then you will sit on that stool and think about what you have done until I let you out. And don't forget to put on the hat."

With head down Solas stood up to do as the Inquisitor instructed as Trevelyan made sure that the rest of his companions understood today's lesson.


	2. Solas in wolf ears




	3. Bad Solas




End file.
